ICE CREAM OR PIZZA?
The car ride after the game. For some, the trickiest of all parts of that day. That time alone, only the Player and Driver, where the conversation can go in so many ways. Some naturally handle that part, and can close the chapter on that day’s game with grace. Applauding good effort, that one nice play, laughing about the funny referee and figuring out whether to get ice cream or pizza (correct answer is, always is, pizza).
Some, however, don’t always act in that moment as they’d want. I’ve been guilty of that, for sure. Could be an innocent question, “hey, what happened when you slipped” or “did you see running back shift to the outside”. Or, could be a little more pushing and prodding about falling short of expectations - missing the shot, stumbling in a moment, slipping on a play, losing the game.
Usually, the goal is to understand what happened and why. And quickly offering some coaching thoughts on ways to improve for next time. Sometimes, however, even ready with the coaching advice before even hearing from the Player on what happened and why.
The Driver wants to dissect the game and how to improve. Moving too quickly past celebrating the day and right into coaching. The Driver wants to discuss it rationally and analytically, thinking that it’s helping.
The Player is still emotionally connected to the game and those results. The game and their performance in that game are not yet far enough in the rearview mirror to start tearing it apart. The Player needs time—for each Player, that time and space are different. But for most, they need at least a car ride. Now, if they bring it up, tread very carefully. They may or may not actually be ready - err on the side of caution - still a delicate time.
Parents who are also coaches can be put into a difficult spot. How to be both. Never easy. Trying to improve the Player, while loving the Person. Find ways to be both, and tell me how you did it. We can all learn from each other. I have tried several things—some worked and some definitely did not—and I’ll share these approaches later.
Remember, these players have coaches. They already have someone helping them learn the X’s and O’s. Someone that has already talked about that play or that game. Someone that may have been critical, someone that is looking at it through that lens. I’m not suggesting to not coach your player but pick your spot. Save it for the next day or the next week or maybe, just maybe, never bring it up.
These players only have one person driving them home from the game. Could be Mom, Dad, Grandma, Uncle, or Friend. Someone who loves them. Someone who was with them that day before the game, after the game, and will forever be in their corner. These players don’t need someone else coaching them on the car ride home from the game. These players crave for someone to say, “good game, let’s get pizza.” But save room for ice cream - you may need that time and a little sweetness goes a long way.
